A year

It has been a year since I posted. What can I say. Life kept me busy. Still working on art but not as much as I would like. My passion is very low. I feel no inspiration. It has a lot to do with reaching a plateau. Maybe I need to jump off the cliff.
My boyfriend passed away suddenly 2 weeks ago. It has left me in a state of constant raw emotions mixed with barren numbness. Friends say I should paint but I think the spark of life is hiding from me. Why paint? Why breath? In the end what is it all for? Why are we here? Where do we go? I don't care what anyone says I just want him back and that cannot happen. I wish science had advanced to the point to resurrect the dead or it will someday. Then I can have my life back, half of my heart back and Kent can be living life to the fullest.
How can I make art with this weight upon me?